January-February 2006
Philly Matt and I wanted to make our relationship work, and yet, our problems as a couple were mounting:
1. The base at which he worked was closing. With each passing week, he worked less and less hours. That translated to less income, and that understandably made him feel both stressed and depressed.*
2. When someone I care about is in need, I want to help in any way possible. Need a loan? Done. Need help with your resume? Send me a copy. Need someone to talk to? Just pick up the phone. Need to crash at my place until you figure out the next steps? Here’s a key.
But, our approaches to this situation were far from aligned. Philly Matt didn’t want my help. Period. Some nights that meant that we didn’t go out at all because he couldn’t pay for us, which frustrated us both in our own ways. I tried to get him to understand that we were a couple and that everything would balance out in the end, but my words fell on deaf ears.
(A part of me wishes that he would’ve let me help him out, but I didn’t get where he was coming from back then. Through him, I learned that for many men, being the provider isn’t just a goal, but a necessity. And, a job isn’t just their job, but a large part of their identity.)
3. His upcoming post in Qatar took on a larger-than-life proportion. Philly Matt was scheduled to leave for duty with the Air Force Reserves in five weeks, and we didn’t know whether the assignment would be for 3 months or a year!
I began to nag him regularly about where our relationship was going. I wanted to know what would happen when he returned from Qatar. I didn’t care to remain faithful to him without any face-to-face interaction for a year and then end up in exactly the same place that we were now. I wanted to meet his kids, stop doing this long distance thing, and really be a couple. Or, I wanted him to cut me loose. But, instead, he just kept telling me,
“I can’t plan that far ahead. We’ll get there eventually, but I need to go to Qatar and come back and then we can figure things out.”
Maybe if I had a different personality, I could have tabled the topic for a while. But, I didn’t and I couldn’t. So, I kept bringing it up again…and again.
I was (surprisingly) able to put my worries aside during our group’s ski trip to Pennsylvania. We rented a huge house, and everyone spent much of the weekend, eating, drinking and laughing so hard that our stomachs hurt. (Oh, and a few people actually hit the slopes, too.)
For those four days, I stopped wondering what would happen in the future and just enjoyed being with Philly Matt in the present. Our bedroom was incredibly romantic, and we put the room to very good use. Whenever I doubted why we were still together, he would kiss me…or rub my ears and twirl my hair…or let me fall asleep in his arms, and everything made sense again.
Matt wasn’t an anal aficionado like I was so I was surprised when he asked me on Sunday morning if I had brought any lube.
“Of course!” I exclaimed with a smile on my face, as I reached into my bag.
After I put some lube on his cock, I kissed him again, guided his cock into my ass and started riding.
I was close to cuming when he said,
“Umm…your nose is bleeding.”
“No, it’s not!”
“What? No, it is.”
“It IS?!?” I screamed and jumped off of him.
He started cracking up, and it was so ridiculous that I had to join in. Damn altitude!
We tried to figure out why I would play it off like he was wrong when he was looking right up at my face. I guess I had hoped that I didn’t have a nose bleed or that it wasn’t a big deal because I really didn’t want to stop fucking him. From sexy to dorky in less than 60 seconds, huh?
A few minutes later, my nose stopped bleeding, and I could get back to the task at hand (or would it be, ass?). Thankfully, the rest of the act went off without a hitch.
When we headed back to DC on Monday, I was still smiling from our amazing weekend! Before Philly Matt got into his car to drive home, we hugged and kissed on 37th Street for a good 10 minutes.
I walked upstairs to my place, started unpacking and proceeded to bawl my eyes out. We only seemed to work when we were together. And, in five weeks, he was leaving for Qatar, and I still didn’t know where we stood.
We were up (so high that I got a nose bleed), and now we were down. I didn’t know if I had the heart to stay on this ride for much longer.
* I am still close to Philly Matt. When I talked to him last week, I asked him whether I could write about these very personal topics. He said that he would never fault me or stop being my friend for being honest, even if I wrote about matters that might put him in a negative light. I don’t think that most men would be okay with that, and it’s a testament to him that he is. Matt, I am so thankful to have you in my life! xoxo
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