Hey you
So one of the most frequently asked questions I get from chaps is ‘how can I last longer before I come?’ Men often want sex to last longer but the average time it takes to orgasm or ejaculate (not exactly the same thing, I’ll explain another time) is just 3 minutes. If you jiggle your penis inside someone really quickly you are going to come, especially if you are a young man. (I’m sure some women have this problem too. Discuss.)
Most guys don’t have, what a doctor would call, premature ejaculation: some guys come before putting their penis inside someone and sometimes even before that. (Other guys have the opposite condition called retarded ejaculation, which can cause sweatiness, blue balls and bad backs.) Try some of these things below, if that doesn’t help I’d contact your local GUM clinic and talk to them about seeing a psycho-sexual counsellor who can really help.
So here are some tips for lasting longer: after that I’ll have a bit of a rant about how you should change up your ideas about what sex involves and avoiding boring heterosexual scripts.
1. Pre-emptive ejaculation
If you masturbate and ejaculate an hour or two before you plan on having sex then it means that you will last longer when you have sex. As seen in the film ‘There’s Something About Mary’.
2. Use a condom
Condoms can reduce the sensation of sex a little bit, this should help you last longer. Try thicker condoms or condoms with a delaying action (see here for more)
3. Give it a squeeze
If you start having penetrative sex and feel like you are going to come really early you can pull your penis out and give it a quick squeeze just under the bell end
This should give you a few more seconds or minutes of fun.
4. Tense up your pelvic floor muscles
You know when you go for a pee and you need to stop for some reason, the muscles that you use to do that (they kind of feel like they are up your arse), are the same ones you can use to prevent you from coming. So try it during sex and see if that works.
5. Start Stop Technique
This involves masturbating in your spare time (in fact frequent masturbating generally can help) in order to train your brain into working out when you are really turned on and about to come. Practice doing this when solo and it might work when you are with someone.
You should masturbate until you get very near that point when you normally come, then stop, think about something that turns you off, (like cricket). Once you feel that your orgasm / ejaculation is receding then start up again and repeat the process. It’s lots of fun.
6. Practice and intimacy helps
Sex is better in relationships and the more you do it the better it gets. It also means that you’ll be more comfortable with your body and with each other and less likely to freak out about it.
7. Good sex is not simply about a man putting his penis inside someone till he comes (warning rant alert)
Here’s the best tip for you: penetration is only a small part of sex! Either do loads of other stuff, or use your hands, and remember sex doesn’t stop when one of you has an orgasm (and great sex doesn’t have to include orgasms at all). Keep playing and pleasuring your partner until you’re feeling it again.
Guys, you might go soft after coming (that is the refractory period, which almost all men have, it’s normal and lasts for 10 to 30 minutes) but after a few minutes of kissing or pleasuring your partner or a great cup of tea, you can get hard again.
So change it up, switch the order around, don’t do it like they do in porn and enjoy it. Don’t focus on your performance, focus on how much you and your partner are enjoying it.
all text and images © Bish Training 2010
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