This Sunday marks the time honored national “sex for candy” day. Originally the holiday was based off of the Christian saint Valentine’s day, involving significantly less sex. Thankfully in the last few decades the holiday has gotten what analysts are call “hotter”.
“It’s definately one of my favorite holidays” said local man “if I just give my wife candy or flowers and I get to have sex! That never happens on Christmas, let me tell you”. Apparently this trend carries over to non-married couples as well. “Yeah I plan on having sex with my boyfriend today.” said one woman “I mean he bought me candy and dinner and I didn’t get him anything so I guess its the least I can do”
The holiday also seems to be a bonanza for lonely people. “Yeah I could pick up most any semi attractive girl out tonight” said a homely man “I gotta tell you, loneliness plus alcohol is a powerful aphrodisiac”. Studies show that most lonely people spend the day either getting inebriated, having a casual hook-up, or a mixture of both.
When asked for comment Saint Valentine is quoted to having said “I can’t believe I died a martyrs death to sell candy”
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