As many of you who read this blog know, I love listening to New Life Live each day. The advice they dish out is a great combination of getting to the core of each problem with a healthy mix of humor. There is however one thing that bugs me about the show and that is how different the advice is based on gender. Let me give you a couple of examples.
A woman calls in looking for direction;
Woman: My husband and I have recently separated after 20 years of marriage because I found out that he’s been having an affair.
New Life: Oh, my. We are so sorry and we can feel the hurt in your voice. How can we help you?
Woman: I need to know what to do next to reconcile this marriage.
New Life: Well your husband is going to have to call off the affair. He’s going to need to get into several programs before reconciliation can even begin. He’ll need to be in Celebrate Recovery, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Every Man’s Battle etc. He’s also going to need weekly counseling and belong to a men’s Bible study group. Only after he’s in recovery for several months and is truly remorseful can he be trusted to let back in the house. If you do take him back, make sure he works these programs for the rest of his life or he’ll fall back into his sinful nature. After he does come back, the both of you need to see a lawyer where he will need to sign over all property into your name to insure that you’ll be protected if he strays again.
You get the point. So what happens when a man calls in?
Man: My wife and I have recently separated after 20 years of marriage because I found out that she’s been having an affair.
New Life: What did you do to cause her to have an affair?
Man: Maybe I don’t communicate well? I’d like to reconcile.
New Life: In order to get her back, you need to seek out counseling to see why you caused her to stray. You also need to be in a men’s group where they can make you accountable for your emotional failings. Only then can you contact her to take full responsibility for the affair and ask her forgiveness.
I hate to say it, but this isn’t a bunch of hyperbole. If you listen to the initial question by either man or woman, you can guess with much accuracy what the advice will be.
New Life isn’t the only Christian group that believes in “man humility” no matter what the scenario. If you watched the movie Fireproof, you’d have gotten a good dose of it. If you remember, the husband is a jerk, is remorseful, tries to make amends and gets his wife back. The wife however, has an emotional affair with some guy she works with, and ends up being portrayed as the saint of the movie with no accountability for her behavior.
Other Christian groups believe that the only reason a woman would sin is because of the actions of her husband. Does this mean that single women have no need of a Savior?
My problem isn’t with the course of action that jerky men need to take, it’s that women in the Christian community are given a pass when it comes to sin.
Are men who made women idols through porn or affairs still making them idols through one way humiliation? Are we as Christians so uncomfortable with the “submit” passages that this is our way of making up for the abuse women have suffered at the hands of bad husbands?
My Bible says that all have sinned and are in need of a Savior. So help me out Christian community. If I’m off course, show me the way!
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