WEDNESDAY 14th OCTOBER
I’m not sure whether to be delighted or slightly embarrassed – I now have over 4000 ‘friends’ on Facebook. I also, somehow, have managed to gather over 2500 people in the DJ Wanker Appreciation Society.
There was no popping of a champagne cork. It’s all very vacuous stuff really although quite nice that people have taken the effort to add me or accept me.
I don’t feel important in any way – and neither should I – as it’s just internet nonsense.
*****
How many of these 4000 would consider me enough of a friend to invite me round for Christmas Dinner? I would say probably 10.
How many of these would come to my funeral and be sad I’ve passed on? Possibly 20.
That’s how you gauge your proper friends.
*****
Other news from Facebook… I was this week invited to join a group called:’We need a cash machine in Woodside.’ I didn’t join on the grounds that Woodside needs a lot more important things than a cash machine to improve it.
Like a better quality of houses and people.
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Okay, I’m being rude about the place again. No serious offence intended. It’s just an easy target and I’m rarely going to pass up the opportunity of shooting fish in a barrel.
There’s another group on Facebook called: ‘I hate Woodside, Telford.’ On the wall, Maria Foster wrote: “It’s a shit hole and needs a big bomb.” Jasmin Turner said: “I live on Woodside and it’s a shit place to live.” Warren Teece, the group creator, added: “It’s full of gossiping, backstabbing idiots who have nothing better to do than slag each other off.”
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Five other random groups I’ve spotted on Facebook this week:
* Find my mum a husband
* If one million join this, I’ll get a tattoo of the Facebook logo
* Fuck this, I’m moving to Fraggle Rock
* The Bollocks Bar (Magalluf)
And my favourite of the lot, aimed at people who can’t dress themselves properly…
* Pull your fucking trousers up
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There would also appear to be a million groups on Facebook aiming their vitriol at two lads with crazy hair from the X Factor. Now I couldn’t care less about the programme, aside from maybe dipping in occasionally to see Simon Cowell be rude / refreshingly honest to people.
If these Irish twins are that hated, why did they get voted through to next week? It’s evil people like me voting to keep them in! I didn’t actually vote as I can find better uses for my money.
Other things I noticed from the show on Sunday:
1. Alexandra Burke, last year’s X Factor winner, could only MIME her performance.
2. Robbie Williams is not the entertainer he thinks he is… although I quite like his new single.
3. Louis Walsh didn’t turn up to judge – preferring to attend some impromptu Boyzone reunion in Majorca.
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I mentioned last week that I would be spinning the tunes on a Wednesday night at Bar Vox in Telford but that turned out to be just a one-off. You can still find me in the main room at Pussycats every Friday and Saturday – head to the gallery at www.djwanker.com for my latest photos.
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Daniel Lee Benton wrote this regarding the blog last week: “I’m a fan of the politics update. I can’t say I agree with your take on Never Mind The Buzzcocks… but I’m happy its back on.”
And I’d also like to thank the fragrant, loveable flooze (and top Telford totty) Gemma Mansell who, on her Facebook page, has “Geoff’s Blog” written among her favourite quotations!
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I received some very sad news last weekend that Wayne Springer had died. He was just 44. Wayne was heavily involved in the club and bar scene in Leicester and I never met anyone who had a bad word to say about him. He was a gentle giant.
When I got my first full nightclub residency in Leicester in the late 1990s, the owner of the place used to terrify me but Wayne was the manager and always put me at ease. I worked with him on and off until about four years ago and he was always exactly the same – calm, reasoned, polite and unruffled.
My best mate Phil heard the news first and we chatted on the phone about how we both had such huge respect for this guy. Rest in Peace, big man.
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Lifted from an interview with Dougie from McFly in Heat magazine:
What was the last lie you told?
“I farted in bed and Frankie (from The Saturdays, his girlfriend) asked me if I had. I said it wasn’t me, it must be you.”
Quality. Why don’t women find farting as funny as men do?
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Stolen from the letters page of Viz magazine:
“So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.”
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I don’t understand why a man would ever have a sex change. Yes, you could put up with having breast implants. Yes, you could put up with the pain of having your manhood chopped off and a ‘ladygarden’ dug in. But the really awful bit must be where they remove half the brain cells…
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I have invested in a sleek, new desktop PC at home and it’s bloody quick! I don’t know much about computers but it’s from the Dell Inspiron range and has… quad core processor (2.5ghz, 4mb cache), 640gb SATA hard drive… these are just words to me but Tom, my technical advisor in Leicester, reckons it’s money well spent.
Technology has moved on rather quickly since I was a kid. I had a ZX Spectrum+ as my first computer when I was about 13. This is what it looked like…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:ZX_Spectrum%2B.jpg
Then we had an Amstrad word processor which I used to start writing my book in 1997. It was basic and looked like this…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Locoscript.png
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And finally… I couldn’t resist.
For Sale: One stool and microphone. In good condition. £95. Please contact Ronan or Keith.
Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker
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