I mentioned this in the first post, but I want to reiterate it as I delve into the weirdly premature, mostly bad, token “sexy episode” otherwise known as “The Naked Now:” I was not really “around” for Season One. If I’ve seen any of these episodes it was on reruns SyFy or Spike. So right now I’m not really experiencing too many flickers of recognition, it’s more like watching the baby videos of somebody you knew only knew as an adolescent or adult; you see the first signs of the person she will become, and you also see some diversions from that path. And yes, we know she will learn from them and better herself, but eek, those moments are kind of embarrassing.
*cringe*
So, after ringing in the series with a mostly awesome pilot that was very clear on what issues would be at stake in this galactic jaunt, and was for the most part austere, never stooping to mockery of its predecessor, rarely failing to take itself admirably seriously, we get a big dose of goofy prurience. And we see our crew, breaking their as-yet barely established character as they fall prey to this “disease” which is really more like “excuse to get it on with the crew member you always had the hots for.”
The Enterprise is going to go check out WTF is up with the SS Tsiolkovsky, who are supposed to be monitoring a collapsing star but instead are apparently having a giant orgy, opening the emergency hatch on the bridge, and turning down the thermostat so low that they all freeze to death. I hate when parties end up like that. While inspecting the frozen remains of the debauchery, Geordi accidentally comes in contact with one of the corpses, and is the first to catch what will heretofore be known as Drunkitis. We know he catches it because there is a magical “whoosh” sound telling us so.
Between this episode and the pilot-- was there just a surplus of Frost FX at Paramount that year?
The away team returns to the Enterprise, and everyone’s fine except for Geordi, who starts acting all funny, (he gets the tweaky, sad, existential version of Drunkitis, apparently.) Because you’d only want to chill with Wesley Crusher if you had at least three drinks in you, he goes to check out the kid’s latest nerdy inventions (one is a tiny tractor beam, the other–yeesh– is a device that plays back a pieced-together recording of Picard’s voice ordering “Mr. Crusher” to take the helm; Wes is blossoming into quite the little stalker.) He infects Wesley (whoosh!) before leaving sick bay to go contemplate the stars and shit. When Tasha is sent to go bring him back to sick bay, she catches Drunkitis too (whoosh!) and the fun begins.
The fake-science in this episode is almost criminal, apparently the shifts in gravity coming from the collapsing star resulted in “complex water molecules” that entered the ships atmosphere and “acted on the brain like alcohol,” but never mind how this is somehow a disease only contractible through skin, and that, though it does create a chemical reaction, it doesn’t show up on any tricorder scan.
Of all the sins of this episode (writerly, carnal and otherwise,) the most egregious would have to be the infamous Data and Tasha hookup. C’mon. You have an android character. Shouldn’t you spend at least the better half of a season establishing all that he is impervious to, before exposing what he is vulnerable to, which, apparently includes intoxication and the seduction tactics of Tasha Yar? She seems to have raided Troi’s closet and given herself a little jheri curl, and whatever mechanism in Data that is capable of being turned on is turned on, and Tasha yoinks him into her boudoir as they cue the crazy antics music and Brent Spiner gives us a cockeyed smile of vaudevillian proportions.
Yar and the Real Boy
Oh yeah, so you know how Jordi doesn’t get sexy, only morose? Well, Wesley doesn’t get sexy, he just gets MAD WITH POWER. He infects all of Engineering with Drunkitis, lets Engineer Shimoda take out all the control chips and play Jenga with them, basically rendering the Enterprise immobile, just a few thousand kilometers from a collapsing star. Oh yeah, and he assumes command of the ship, and sets up a force field that prevents anyone from coming in, oh, I don’t know, breaking his little neck.
Other near-couplings include Troi and Riker (who is infected but never actually seems to show symptoms… could it be he’s the only man on the ship capable of holding his liquor?) and Picard and Crusher, though both were big duhs we could see coming a mile away. I have to admit though, as a major Picard-Crusher shipper (I had both their action figures, as well as Wesley’s, because I wanted them to be a family,) I found their struggle to maintain professionalism during a crisis against their baser desires to be both super heroic and super cute. Maybe that’s something that’s more dignified, or at least easier to identify with– as Beverly unzips the top of her uniform, Picard, with Herculean effort, chokes out “Not Now, Doctor! Please!” before tearing himself away. Then their little halfhearted waves goodbye as she gets on the turbolift? Adooooorable.
I took off my medical jacket! Don't you think I'm pretty?
Of course, Drunk Beverly is still able to formulate a cure for Drunkitis (no, it is not coffee,) Engineer MacDougal succeeds in disabling Wesley’s force field, Data replaces all the chips in a ridiculous sequence of sped-up footage, and everyone is innoculated and in their right minds in time to steer the ship out of the way of the exploding star.
Okay, so I’ve bashed around this episode enough, now I want to give it some credit: yes, it may have been the obligatory “cut loose” episode and yes, it may have come way too soon, but Picard’s words to the crew at the end do establish another tenet of TNG: “I think we shall end up with a fine crew. If we avoid temptation.” In other words: this is not going to be a sexy ship, and this is not going to be a sexy show.
Riker smiles at Troi. Tasha glances at Data. Then it’s all back to business. For the time being.
Side Notes
- Yay! Troi’s already in the grey tweed! I thought for some reason the minidress lasted longer than it did.
- The first interior shot begins on Data, before panning wide on the entire crew as they listen the lusty ladies of the Tsiolkovsky. Does this mean that this entire episode is about Data and his sexual awakening? No, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. And the answer is yes.
- MacDougal is TOTALLY PISSED OFF throughout this entire episode. I think she was secretly sad that she remained uninfected and had to clean up after Wesley Crusher instead of say, frolicking in the Holodeck with some young ensign.
- Line of the episode goes to Wesley, though: “So you mean I’m drunk! I feel strange, but also good.”
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