It’s been two months since I left. Time both flies and crawls, as weird as that sounds. I’m so ready to move forward with life, to be happy again, and yet every day I get sucked back into the mud with X because of some detail dealing with the legal situation. We still don’t have a visitation agreement worked out, and finances are a LONG way rom being settled. Note to future self: don’t ever put everything in your name again. X has torpedoed me time and time again when it comes to bills.
I’m also lonely; I’m ready to start flirting and laughing again with some female companionship, but the old-fashioned part of me thinks “I’m still married”. Besides, given the accusations that X has brought forward, it’s probably best that I continue to live like a monk. I gotta tell you though; I’m not cut out to be a monk. It’s really sad when every conversation I have with a woman causes me to wonder what she looks like naked. I even started eyeing the 60+-year-old greeter at Walmart yesterday. I’ve always been a sexual being; I always managed to control those feelings during the dry spells with X by reminding myself that I was a married man. Now that I’m one step closer to being free, those feelings are raging. I just hope the day the day the divorce becomes final that I don’t ravage the first woman I see…
I know that time will open up new possibilities, and I’m excited about the new year, but in the meantime, I’m still figuring out what the hell I’m gonna do.
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