Ever had the unsettling feeling that your relationship wasn’t headed in the way that you thought it would initially? Maybe you steer clear from relationships out of fear that they will end just like the countless others in your past. No worries, below I’ve listed five reasons relationships tank. And as an added bonus, I’ve listed things you can do to help rekindle the romance.
1. Sex – although taboo to talk about openly, there’s no denying that relationships that partake in an adequate amount of sex per week are healthier. Sex helps to bring the spiritual and emotional feelings together to create a uniform harmony between you.
a. Many women make the mistake of withholding sex from their male counterpart as a means to punish them. However, I strongly advise against this. Sex can sometimes help bring the two of you together, even during a fight. I doubt that you can have angry sex or be upset too long after the act of sex. But I guarantee that the tension will remain if a woman is withholding sex. In fact, she may have increased her chances of her male counterpart finding that physical connection with another woman. Women should realize that men are physical beings and denying sex is not the way to settle a dispute or get a point across.
b. Men should realize that women are emotional beings and often cannot turn on her sexual desire for him at the drop of a hat. Men should work hard to make sure that his women stays wet for him and him only. He should do all he can to ensure that it’s always in the forefront of her mind that she needs to give her body to him. It’s not difficult at all either. For example, when a man initially approaches a girl he’s interested in he tells her everything she wants to hear and his intentions are more than likely to have her give herself to him. Men should ensure that the same enthusiasm shouldn’t creep to a slow boil. This may mean he should call her during the day to tell her that he’s thinking of her, or even that he can’t wait to come home to make love to her. The key to keeping a woman wanting more is to indulge in mental foreplay with her before jumping on her with the physical foreplay. And yes – physical foreplay should not be ignored when keeping a woman interest.
2. Respect – simple uh? You may ask yourself why someone would be with stay in a relationship where they aren’t treated with respect. Well, your guess is as good as mine, but we know it happens often. Whether it’s snooping through your lover’s personal items, or not respecting their time, or value in your life as a partner; if not careful you can lose your lover easily. Be sure to respect your partner’s mental awareness, physical space, emotional stance and their spiritual values.
3. Too Dispensable – Plain and simple, you have to be indispensable in order to be valued. This applies to your career, your role in your church organization, and even relationships. If your lover is doing all of the work while you sit back and reap the benefits, chances are you are on a rocky slope and don’t even know that the rocks are unstable. We must keep in mind that our partners are human too. And no one enjoys doing all of the work. Instead take some of the load off of your partner to let him/her know that you are indispensable too. My best suggestion would be to pick something that your partner hates to do (for example cleaning the bathroom). Even if you might not enjoy cleaning, you know that your partner absolutely cringes at the thought of cleaning the bathroom. Maybe you can take the initiative to clean the bathroom on a routine basis. This way if your partner ever has to clean the bathroom, the first thought that comes to mind would be your willingness to pitch in and do the dirty work. This can work for other items as well – just figure out what you can do to make yourself indispensable in the relationship.
4. Misguided Communication – how do you expect to learn and trust someone if the communication is limited? Amazingly I’ve met married women who have best male friends on the side. My question to them was, “why marry someone other than your best friend?” Ironically, they’ve always skirted around the issue. If you have open communication with your partner, then the honesty is certain to follow. If you are unsure of how to communicate, try communication exercises. Usually asking or revealing some of the most personal secrets are easier said over written text, e-mail or IM. As you become more comfortable with the response you receive you’re your partner, you will begin to speak openly on the phone or in person about anything that you may find difficult to say. Before you know it, you will be an effective oral communicator with your partner on the tough issues. Now, remember there is such a thing as being too open. You shouldn’t tell your partner things that will intimidate them or keep them wondering what you meant by the statement. For example, do not ask your partner to have an open relationship repeatedly if you know he’s against the idea. And never mention that you are in love with another man, only to have him wonder if he is good enough for you. These are extreme cases, but it’s necessary to remind you that there are some things better left unsaid.
5. Live – last but not least, be sure to live! Live your life with your partner but not for your partner. It’s okay to hang out with family and friends every once in a while. Your partner is not going anywhere – trust me. This message is for women especially because too many times I’ve seen women succumb to their emotions and shun family and friends just to spend a little more time with their lover. Not only is this hazardous to your relationships with your family and friends, but it’s hazardous to your relationship. Men need space, they enjoy hanging with their friends and family, and quite frankly they enjoy the “alone” time they get when you are not around. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you – it just means that they want you to leave so they can miss you more when they see you! J Take a look at your situation and determine if you are smothering your relationship. If you are, then plan to set up some time with your friends or family for the next two weekends. You will notice that he’s still around when you return and who knows it may add a little spice to your life. But be careful not to isolate him completely. If you are taking care of all the items on this list you have done your job and your relationship forecast looks a little brighter already.
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